I was just thinking about what I wrote about David. It was vicious and callous and it was what I thought in a moment, well actually quite a few moments, at some ungodly hour of the morning when I was cold, tired and extremely irritated. It isn’t, though, something to say publicly. I regret writing those things. I thought of taking it down, but I am guilty of it.
This has me thinking about whether I really want to share my thoughts. Whether my thoughts are worthy to be shared. Why do I think they should be? I thought my blogging would be, for me, a free space to express my thoughts, but my thoughts are the most intimate part of myself. When you share your thoughts you expose yourself totally. Is that what I want to do? Do I have the courage? If I have the courage, what is the point?
Or it could just be a performance of which anyone who was ever interested will eventually grow weary. I can be miserly in my sharing and express only the gentle thoughts, the benevolent, the good, the fun. Thoughts are not always good often they are simply visceral. Blogging can never be visceral.
I was just thinking.