Redistribute Me Land

So the topic of the day is Mr Malema.  Everyone’s talking about him, and not in a bad way.  No one is bothered about woodwork class any more.  Gone are the ‘dumb-ass’ remarks.  Mr Malema is the party that rocks the party.

I saw a headline that said ‘President Malema’  There was a question mark, but that was just the paper playing it safe.  I mean, who will be the ‘dumb ass’ if that prediction doesn’t come to pass?  But if it does come to pass they’ll just drop the question mark and tell the nation ‘you heard it first here’.

Mr Malema is a man with a plan and I’m only just beginning to understand that his plan could have some benefits that should not be overlooked; benefits of which I’m not too proud to take shameless advantage.  It’s an unfair world, and someone has to come out on top, right?  Why not li’l ole me?

So, we’re going to nationalise the mines and take people’s land without their consent and we’re going to redistribute wealth.  I don’t know the total sum of the logistics because I’m lousy at politics.  I bow the wisdom of the one who will be president.

I have a plan. If we’re going to be taking land from people who have it and redistributing it to people who have it not, I would like to humbly place myself in the line of the have-it-nots and stretch out my carefully manicured hand to receive.

I know exactly the piece of land I would like to take delivery of and though it may not be out there in the heart of the country where the major grabbing or redistributing will be happening it does have the advantage of having plenty of space to grow veggies, if veggies need to be grown.   One doesn’t know, but in the grabbing or redistributing papers we may have to show that this land can feed the family.  It can therefore be classified as peri-urban or peri-rural or peri-something useful; something that makes it grabbable or redistributable or whatever it has to be for me to take it.   I’m excited.

Now when we talk of taking back the land, I hope we are being equal opportunity taker backers.   It can’t be just for the country folk.  Why should they get everything?  I think we should allow ourselves to be urban about it and I would like to volunteer myself for that house in Sandhurst, Johannesburg.  I’m not sure of the street because I’ve only seen it in the Property magazine.  The price of that house is a crime against me.  It is an infringement on my luxury seeking bourgeois aspirations that such a price should be charged.  It must be redistributed.

It’s such a lovely house.  It’s all glass.  Every single wall in the house is glass, and it’s vast. I love it. It’s an architectural/engineering masterpiece.  It’s big enough for all the furniture that I want to redistribute and there’s room for all the designer clothes that I’d like to reallocate.


I’m all for it.  I’m loving Mr Malema. Luckily this house is unoccupied  at the moment, so I won’t be displacing anyone.  Although South Africa is no stranger to a little forced removing.  It’s part of our national heritage.  Amandla!


About Tselane Tambo

I share myself in these desultory ramblings. It’s my thoughts and memories; some anecdotes and opinions. It’s an accidental autobiography. When you’ve meandered through these pages you’ll be within reach of a little piece of me. Thank you for dropping by.
This entry was posted in Nocturnal Ramblings of a Mind Unplugged. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Redistribute Me Land

  1. kwakhehla says:

    Another delightful, entertaining piece (with a sliver of razor sharp satire). Nice one Tselane!

  2. President Malema?
    You a “profit” of doom now?

    • It’s not me. It’s the newspapers. Didn’t you see the headline? City Press, I think it may have been, I’m not sure. Hahahaha! I’ll sell my soul for that house in Sandhurst! LOOOL!

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