This is one steeped in shock and amazement. Yes, my shock and my amazement. I’m surprised to have been chastised.
My friends have berated me for the peace I wrote entitled ‘Quarterly Man Lament’. It seems I am being unfair and childishly last century. Men are not all so bad some say. Others say that I need to learn how to ‘handle’ men. Some say, ‘Look forward to a single life for years to come, Babe’.
I know that relationships and the men with whom we enjoy them are much more nuanced than my little missive reflects. It was a tongue in cheek rant resulting from all my girlfriend’s discourses on men and betrayal. My rant material is a composite of their embittered rants. But it’s ok. I understand. They meant it when they said it, but they had changed their minds by the morning.
One of my readers wrote: “The problem with women of today is that they are too bright. Why must you know everything all the time, even the fact that your man is lying at that particular moment that he’s telling the lie? During my time we knew how to play the game. Scream at the appearance of a cockroach or mouse and let Daddy come and take charge of that problem. Be helpless, don’t contribute intelligently to those directionless debates we sometimes have with friends. Be a sweet hostess without necessarily saying your place is in the kitchen. Ladies, relearn how to flirt and charm your guys. Of course you can never flirt with any man whilst you’re busy assessing his level of intelligence or whether he is a liar or not. You can’t flirt and be alert. You really are missing out on enjoying romance with your guys”
This looks very much like a ‘employ artifice’ communiqué. Admittedly there is some wisdom in ‘playing the game’. But what are the rules of the game? They aren’t what they were when our mothers were girls. In fact, they’re not even what they were when we were girls. Must we all become simperingly dumb, and lacking in the ability to contribute intelligently to a debate. Really? Helpless? Is that what a man wants? No, they’re not so shallow. But, I don’t know. Maybe they are.
My men friends say they want a ‘friend’ in their lover. Is that friend permitted to be her intelligent-opinionated-funny-engaging-self? Or must she constantly present the diluted version of herself in order to accommodate her man’s limited mental capacity or weak ego? I know. It depends on the man. I think most of them prefer the opinionated, funny, challenging, intelligent type of woman.
Another friend responded: “Do you know how many men out there can say the same about women……sans the boob bit and ’respect in the morn’……..actually substitute that with Dsize/job/cash/car………we might just give birth to the Quarterly Women Lament……….it’s some human beings, not all.”
This from one of the cynics I was thinking of as I wrote it. I thought she’d be amused. Not so. She has evolved. Is she in love?
No I’m absolutely not apologising for having written it. As I said, it is a composite of the ‘laments’ that go up when a bunch of heart broken and disgruntled single women get together over a little too much wine and too many sad stories involving men and disillusionment.
It’s not all men. She is right. Even I have loved and had gloriously happy relationships with some fantastic men, and even after breaking up we have remained loving towards and respectful of one another. They are still in my world and welcome. Naturally, I wasn’t writing about them.
However, I have recently loved one who should be given special space in the Anthology of Infamous Liars – if there is such a thing. Now that guy is a good story.
So don’t chastise me any more. Quarterly Man Lament was meant to be entertaining and as I re-read it now, I have myself a lovely little chuckle. I’m a romantic, remember. I’m the last romantic standing.