Real Men Don’t Rape!

rape 2I’m horrified by rape.  I’m shocked, troubled, perturbed and so angered that men rape women.  Yes, I know men get raped too.  It’s horrifying too, but this, for once, isn’t about men.  It’s about women.

I saw an article about a British actress who is talking to young women about how not to get raped.  I was aghast when I saw that headline.  “How not to get raped”.  There’s a formula?  Do tell.

‘Don’t get drunk, don’t be sick in the gutter and don’t stagger about in the wrong clothes at midnight’.  rape 8

She’s right about that, of course.  Being sick drunk in a gutter staggering about is no way for a young lady to behave.  Don’t do that.  It’s not elegant.  But now, “the wrong clothes?”  What are they?  Isn’t that the kind of language that led to The Slut Walk?  Doesn’t that put the blame for the rape on the woman not getting her skirt length right?  Doesn’t that suggest that she deserves it because she’s attractive?


Not so long ago there was a young woman who was gang raped in India.  According to reports she wasn’t scantily dressed or behaving lewdly or staggering about.  She was a medical student on her way home on the bus.  She eventually died of her wounds.  Why did those men – a group of them – do that to her?  Not one amongst them had decency or Rape 3conscience?  Not!  What goes on in the minds of men that makes them think that’s any way to treat another human being.  Do they not have women in their lives?  I’m really not saying anything original. They have a sister, a mother, a daughter.  They have women who they love and who they would protect with every fibre of their beings from suffering such a fate, so what gets into them?  Having said that, though, statistics also show that most rapes take place within the family structure.  It boggles the mind.

Why does society not teach men not to rape?  Even if a woman is as this British actress describes, drunk, fashionably miniskirted and staggering about, should human decency not cause a man to make sure she gets home safely without attacking her and violating rape 6her.   Does she not have the right to dress however she pleases, or however pleases her?  They should be taught from kindergarten to university and beyond not to rape.  Just like they’re taught their ABCs and not to steal and they should learn the lessons and never forget them.  In fact, they should be made scared to rape.

Way back in the 1990somethings Charlize Theron did an anti rape campaign here in South Africa.  “Real Men Don’t Rape”.  She wore simple generic black sat on a chair and talked about how men are rapists and they have to stop.  (Long time ago, don’t remember the exact script, but that was the gist).  Men in SA were up in arms because she said “men are rapists”.   They wittered on about ‘how dare she call us rapists blah blah blah’.   I mean, seriously?  Talk about missing the point but totally!  If the cap fits etcetera!  Anyway, they made it all about them.  There was so much noise made about ‘how dare she call us rapists’ that the real message got lost.  And yet, look at the rape statistics in SA.  They’re astoundingly horrifying.  So if the men are not rapists, who is doing the raping, the tokoloshes ?

At the time I was having a conversation with a man friend about the campaigne.   He’s a Rape 4good guy normally.   This guy said,  “I don’t care about her message, but that accent really gives me a hard on.  I’d rape her”.    And only when he’d registered that I had not moved.  I had not broken a smile.  I was frozen in horrified, traumatised, furious disbelief did he say “I’m joking.  You women must get a sense of humour”. Because I’m sure if he’d been with men they’d have had a good laugh and agreed, “Yeah, I wouldn’t mind tapping that!  I’d give her one!  I’d bend her over!”  Couldn’t you slap them all with a plank and drive a few dozen rusty six inch nails right into their gonads?

Oh for heaven’s sake sit down.  We know it’s not all men, but it’s men.  That is a stone hard, iron cast, indelible, inescapable, global fact.  And when women try to talk to men about rape, look how they behave.  Even the good ones manage to sound like total uneducable tossers.  ‘Get a sense of humour?”

So all this talk about women dressing like sluts and etcetera makes men (ok not you, but other men) believe that if a woman is scantily dressed, if she is drunk, if she is a little less than elegant in her behaviour, she’s “asking for it”.  And her screams of “NO!”  Her pleading, her obvious distress somehow get interpreted to mean ‘She’s begging for it’.  And men say they’re the logical ones?


They say rape isn’t about sex it’s about violence.  OK!  But it’s sexual violence, isn’t it?  So yes, first you need the sick bastards who have a propensity for such, and those, it seems are numerous, beyond numerous.  They are men.  Get my drift?

We need to change how we educate men.  That’s the only way.  And if they rape they Rapeshould be castrated.   That whole machinery down there should be lobbed off.  No more penis.  No more gonads.  No more raping.  It makes sense to me.  What if you get the wrong guy?  Well, oops, sorry!  What if he’s innocent?  Again, oops, sorry!  But I’ll bet they wouldn’t rape us anymore.  That’s the only point I see as being important.  Rape Must Stop!

Those guys who gang raped the woman in India?  I’d slice their entire sexual organ region off without anesthetic.   I’d invite other men in the hear them scream.  I’d tell them, “There but for the grace of God goes you, potential rapist”.

And so, if they value their penis they’ll hang on to it.  It’s easy.  Don’t rape and don’t make a woman so mad that she accuses you of rape because in the eyes of my court you are guilty because she said so.  Prove that you didn’t do it.

It’s not fair.  I know.  It’s not just.  I know.  It’s not whatever-whatever-whatever.  I know.Rape 7  See if the victim gives a damn.  Whatever!  Was it fair that she was raped?  Was it?  Was it just?   It’s the war of the sexes and we women are losing it right now.  Look at how society thinks.  Don’t wear short skirts?  The skirt isn’t going to rape you.  Wear it.

stop rape



It’s men who rape.


About Tselane Tambo

I share myself in these desultory ramblings. It’s my thoughts and memories; some anecdotes and opinions. It’s an accidental autobiography. When you’ve meandered through these pages you’ll be within reach of a little piece of me. Thank you for dropping by.
This entry was posted in Nocturnal Ramblings of a Mind Unplugged. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Real Men Don’t Rape!

  1. kwakhehla says:

    That a human feels justified in forcing his or her will on another because they can is one of the more sordid realities of being a human being.. That a human can willfully harm another purely for their own sexual satisfaction, whether the object of their will is a woman, a man, or a child, is sociopathic (harmful to society) and a sign of severe mental illness.

    What is even more horrifying is that kind of behaviour is condoned by so many. People who behave like that are socially-conditioned into that kind of repulsive behaviour from birth – they are brought up by the men and women around them to believe that women are somehow socially inferior to men and are there purely to serve the will of men.

    Any society, whether present or past, which preaches the philosophy of gender subservience – women as servants of men, or vice versa, is fatally flawed and doomed unless it recants. Whether the reason for that attitude is religion or traditional culture, the basis is wrong,

    Who are guilty? Police investigations aimed at uncovering guilt for a crime start with the basis of ‘who stands to gain’?

    Promulgating subservience of women to men can only be of benefit to men (cheap labour). Men, not gods, write the religious codes of behaviour; men, not women, write the rules of traditional custom.

    • You are so right. Where was it that men could be exempted from rape if they married the victim? Was it Morocco? I can’t remember. Wherever it is they just repealed that law. But what kind of asinine thinking came up with that? Why would a woman want to be married, or rather enslaved to her rapist? Really, WTF? It’s a really frightening world we live in. Only totally depraved men could have come up with that one. Was it Morocco?

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