I really didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what response to have. Should I be furious or embarrassed or something? I was just somewhat baffled a little bewildered. Should I have been insulted? It is disrespectful, isn’t it? I know its intention wasn’t disrespect. Its intention was a ribald invitation. It failed. He misjudged me. I’m not that person.
I did ask him why he’d sent it. He said he wanted to make me smile. I feel a little sorry for this foolish, ill bred, clueless individual who thought it would make me smile. Would he smile if I sent a picture of my vagina to his email? I suspect he would. Mostly, I just didn’t and don’t understand.
How does one react when a man who one has never met; who one has only spoken to via email and on a social network sends a picture of his penis? Why would anyone do that? Who does he think he’s sending it to? Did I ever even vaguely indicate that I would appreciate receiving something like that? Of course not. We’d talked about him sending my brochure to his clients. He’s in executive recruitment. He’s a head hunter. I consult on image and etiquette. He contacted me via Linkdin. He asked if we could be friends. How do you say no to that request? It’s email friendship, I thought. What harm? Oh but I’m naïve. He said he’d had a crush on me when I was on TV. I gave it no thought. I’m not on TV now. So you can imagine how this was a bolt from out of the blue. Where did he get such an idea? Has he no self-respect? Is this a measure of the respect, or lack that he has for me? Is this what a crush on a face on TV yields? I find it totally incomprehensible. Isn’t it against the law? If it’s not, why is it not?
There was a toilet bowl, seat raised as a background to the picture. The Penis was in the foreground. So he went to have a pee, thought of me and decided to take a picture for my benefit while he was at it? What thought process brought him to that point? Was he having a pee or was he spanking it and thinking of me? Eeek! And what did he think I was going to do with the picture? There can’t be a usual response to receiving a picture like this. Surely it’s an unusual thing to have happen.
I haven’t even met this guy. Now, I don’t think I ever will meet him. This is why I don’t respond to people who contact me on social networks and want to meet. You don’t know what kind of sexual deviant sociopath you’re going to encounter. It’s not worth it.
What ever happened to sending flowers if you imagine yourself in love? Am I old fashioned? Is emailing a picture of a bunch of beautiful flowers outdated? Is that prosaic? Or sending a poem by Don Matera or Pablo Neruda. That would be sweet. It would suggest some finesse. The Penis is a bludgeoning. The penis is so violent. It doesn’t speak of love. It speaks of extreme aberrancy. It’s incredibly crass.
This man had invited me to pick him up at his house and take him to dinner because his pay cheque was small. Can you imagine such a thing? A man you’ve never met and with whom you have communicated only on email and whatsapp wants to meet you, so he invites you to pick him up from his house and take him to dinner? On what planet does he reside? And when you refuse he sends you a picture of his penis, because obviously on receiving that you’d be at his door with your knickers around your ankles within minutes.
A picture, they say, is worth a thousand words. This picture was worth three letters. WTF? I searched myself for feelings. I had none. I thought I should feel insulted, affronted, horrified. I should recoil in shock, but I didn’t. I was unmoved except for a little bewildered voice inside that asked. “Why would he send me this”? Perhaps I was in shock.
It wasn’t sexy. It wasn’t exciting. Perhaps, I thought, if it had been one that I’d experienced. Perhaps if I’d had a relationship with it I might have been excited. But I don’t think so. I think if The Lavah had ever emailed me a picture of his penis I’d have assumed he’d completely lost his mind.
Does this guy look at dubious websites? Does he read dirty books? Is that where he got the inspiration? What is it about me that made him think that I would enjoy such a thing? I’d had no lewd conversations with him. He’d sent me an email saying ‘I have something for you’. He asked if he could email it. I said yes email it. Imagine my surprise. There was a note with the picture. The note said, “Do you want to taste it”? I thought, “No thanks”. And I closed the picture not to give it further thought until the next day when it, again, came into view.